Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Ask Margie and Edna
Dear Margie and Edna:
I hear Katie is almost out the door at CBS. I hear they are going to offer you two her position as anchor ladies. Hope you accept. You do so well in reporting the news. The ratings would soar.
Margie: Well, aren't you the sweetest thing? I believe they only need one anchor lady and I am far more qualified than poor Edna. She has that speech impediment you know. It's called forked tongue. I will let you know when CBS calls me.
Edna: Margie, I swear, you are such an ingrate. The moment even the hint of fame comes calling, you throw your beloved sister out the window. Fine, well you just try and tackle that big job all by yourself--poor Katie couldn't do it on her own, what makes you think you can? Go ahead and take the job, CBS will see that they got the less photogenic sister as soon as they take one look at you.
Dear Margie and Edna,
I never thought it could happen to me...I'm a student at a small midwestern college....oh wait...sorry, that's my letter to the "Penthouse Forum"
What I wanted to ask you ladies is this...seeing as how the former Mayor Green has become a casualty in our war with New Bern...do you think it would be tacky if I asked Gail if I could have his hat?
Sincerely, Bare-headed in Jericho
Margie: Penthouse? That's Edna's favorite. Oh, my stars, I got distracted. Poor Mayor Green was a good man. I don't think it would be tacky to ask her but are you sure you want it? I mean he did sweat a lot and the hat may not smell too good. I suggest you tell her you have a special cleaning solution for the hat. Take it with you and try to avoid seeing her after that.
Edna: Margie, that shows how much you know about things: Penthouse is one of those smutty men’s magazines, and is certainly nothing any respectable lady would have anything to do with. I do, however, have fond memories of the penthouse at the top of the Jericho Hotel, before it burned down back in ’47. My, the stories that room could tell…but I digress.
Young man, you absolutely should not ask for poor Johnston’s hat, that would be the ultimate in tacky, not to mention just plain rude! If anyone should have that hat, it’s Eric or Jake. You just ignore my sister’s bad advice, and listen to me; you’ll be glad you did. Besides, if you really want a new hat, you should go see what that Dale has to offer at his trading post. I’m sure he’d be willing to set you up with a real nice hat, as long as you have something valuable to trade. Like a kidney. Or your farm.
Dear Margie and Edna,
My husband is jealous that I have been looking at pictures of guys in towels. Please help.
-Skeet Treat Addict-
Margie: Well honey, if the towels are a problem, find a picture of guys without them.
Edna: Dear, I don’t know who this “Skeet” is, but if your husband is jealous, maybe you should suggest that he start wearing more towels around the house. You can always just imagine that he’s this Skeet person. And if that doesn’t work, maybe you just shouldn’t tell your husband about your little addiction. I always found that my marriages worked better with a little mystery, if you know what I mean.
Send your questions for Margie and Edna to firstname.lastname@example.org