Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Ask Margie and Edna

Dear Margie and Edna:

I need help. I am a 30-year-old woman who lives in Jericho. My problem is that I had a boyfriend who I grew up with. He was the town bad boy, and I was the town bad girl. We go back to childhood, and we were high school sweethearts. We had some wild times. About five years ago, my boyfriend got in big trouble and left town and disappeared for five years. Nobody knew where he went. During that time, I grew up, settled down, got a teaching credential and a job as a local teacher. I recently met a wealthy man. He is an investment banker with a six-figure income. We fell in love (at least I thought I was in love with him) and we got engaged. We bought a beautiful home right here in Jericho. Life with him will be comfortable but predictable. Then the bombs went off and my fiancé was on a plane that was lost and he was presumed dead. I really thought I was never going to see him again, so I went on with my life and always held out hope that he would return.

Then the day the bombs went off, my ex boyfriend showed back up unexpectedly. Nobody knows where he was for the last five years or what he was doing, and nobody seems to care. Problem is, he has changed and has grown up too. He is now a very nice guy and has done a lot of things to help the people of Jericho get through this rough time. In fact he has become a local hero. My problem is this: All it took is one look at him in those Levis and one look into those big brown eyes, and OH BOY!!!.

To complicate things even more, my fiancé showed back up in town a few weeks ago with a bunch of refugees. I got back together with my fiancé and things are fine, but I can’t stop thinking about my ex boyfriend. Then to make a long story short, my fiancé got in trouble for trying to help his refugee friends (that is what a nice person he is) and the mayor kicked him out of town. I know he will come back for me soon.

Margie and Edna, please help me. Should I marry my fiancé when he comes back so I can have a stable but predictable life with a big house and lots of nice things, or go with my heart and tell my ex boyfriend how I feel about him? Is he worth taking a chance on?

Sincerely, Heartsick in the Heartland

Margie: I'm afraid you have left out some important information. First, how does your fiancé look in Levis and what color are his eyes? Second, have you ever seen either of these men in a towel? Honey, let's face facts; those Levis will fade and be thrown away. That tight, firm... skin will wrinkle and get age spots. Picture these men in 50 years. Which is most likely to use a cane? Which will lose the most hair? Which one will gain the most weight?
Now, would you rather be with an old, withered prune of a rich man or had you rather be with an old, withered bad boy? I only see one choice.

Edna: I’ll tell you what’s withered Margie, it’s your heart. Where’s your sense of romance? I think it’s very sweet that she’s still attracted to her high school sweetheart! And here you are, as much as telling her to marry the rich man? I declare, sometimes I’m amazed that I am even related to you!

Dear, you should follow your heart. Financial security doesn’t always mean emotional security, you know. But really, before you go making the big choices, you need to ask yourself if your old boyfriend still loves you. If you’re who I think you are (and really, there’s no way I’m wrong), I happen to know that your ex-boyfriend has been kissed three different times while he’s been back in town, and only one of those kisses was from you. You might want to think about that before you go declaring your love to him.


Dear Margie and Edna:

I overheard Gail tell Johnston that he had worked as mayor without his pants on. Where did Johnston leave his pants? What kind of hanky panky was going on?
Nosy Nellie want to know.

Margie: Nosy Nellie, you're a woman after my own friendship. Are you in my Garden Club? Just between you and me, I believe he left them at Bailey's. I saw those lusty Mary Bailey eyes studying him more than once. You meet me over there one night and we'll talk more about it. If you want to know more about the hanky panky in this town then look no further.

Edna: There you go again, Margie, stirring up trouble. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe he spilled coffee on his pants and they were soaking in the sink? Being the mayor is an important job you know, and it doesn't wait for laundry emergencies. That man did a fine job as mayor, pants or no pants. You two should get your minds out of the gutter.

Okay folks, here’s your chance to get some advice from Jericho’s #1 gossip mavens. Do you have a question for Margie and Edna? Submit your questions, and Margie and Edna will tackle your toughest post-apocalyptic problems and concerns. You may submit a question either for an existing Jericho character, or for yourself. However, if you submit a question for yourself, it must be as if you are living in Jericho or New Bern—no real world problems allowed.

Send your questions to: sweat1951@rock.com, put “Ask Margie and Edna” in the subject line. We reserve the right to edit questions for length, spelling, etc. Please bear in mind, it’s possible that not all questions will be selected to be answered. Keep watching this space, maybe Margie and Edna will answer your question next!

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