Thursday, September 13, 2007

Ask Margie and Edna

Dear Margie and Edna:

I have been in a relationship with a married man. He recently left his wife to be with me. His family of course is not taking our relationship very well at all. I know that it will take time, but they recently invited my boyfriend’s pregnant wife over for Thanksgiving dinner and made it clear that I am not welcome. When should I be able to expect to be included in family functions and take my rightful place by my man's side?

M. Bailey

Edna: Well, I never! His wife is pregnant? What’s the matter with you? Have you no shame, you hussy? You don’t break up a family! Honestly, what has happened to common decency in this town?

Margie: M. Bailey, pay the fruitcake no mind. She knows exactly who has no shame & it's not you or me. Now, honey, this will take time. You have to be patient. However, if you're impatient, I suggest you talk to Mr. Hawkins about it. I hear he's real helpful.


Dear Margie and Edna:

I am writing you for a friend. He has a moral dilemma. You see, my friend is bald. He recently heard that someone here in town has a supply of "Hair Club for Men" at their house and have no obvious use for it. My friend asked for it, but the person in control of it refused to trade with him for it. My friend is kind of in a prominent position in Jericho and people look to him for guidance. However, he is desperate to get this. In this post nuclear bomb world where it is every man for himself, would it still be considered unethical for him to force this young lady to hand over the "Hair Club for Men" supply? Or would it be better if he just declared it as some kind of contraband and had the police raid her house for it?

Secretary for Mayor Anderson

Edna: Well, Mr. I-won’t-give-my-name-but-we-ALL-know-who-you’re-talking-about: for your boss to simply commandeer what he wants is clearly a blatant abuse of power. I don’t care how bald the man is, it’s simply bad manners to just take what you want without regards to other people. I sincerely hope you don’t advise him regarding serious matters, dear.

Margie: Honey, you tell him to raid that house. It's a matter of town security. Speaking of bad manners, is that what it was, Edna, when you commandeered my Charlie??? Answer me you shrew.

Edna: Town security, my foot. More like a matter of town insecurity. And your Charlie was not "commandeered," you crackpot. He volunteered. There is a difference, but then you never were very smart.


Dear Margie and Edna:
Did you know that Hawkins has something secret in his basement that he doesn't want anyone to know about? Why don't you go over there and take a look, and report back to the unsuspecting citizens of Jericho just what it is? It is guaranteed to be the most explosive bit of gossip in the history of Jericho.

Nosy Nellie, Jericho, KS

Edna: Now, you know I love a good mystery, but that Mr. Hawkins looks like he might just bash you in the head with a shovel if you go poking around on his property. I’m an old lady, I don’t need that kind of aggravation. Maybe you should go over and look, and tell us about it if…er, I mean when you come back.

Margie: Edna, you are probably right about that shovel. Nosy Nellie, why don't we stroll over there together? From what I've heard around town, though, I think the only thing in the basement will be bouncing strippers.

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